I know the best of guys. I am fortunate to have stalwart examples of manhood and the priesthood in my life. And guess what, most of these fellas are struggling in some capacity,
And I LOVE THEM for that.
Let me tell you why.
We all have our own demons. We all have our own sins. The entire Plan of Salvation is centered on our ability to change, grow and improve. Those same demons and sins that haunt us do not have to control us. With enough effort, continued determination and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can be FREE from limitations, weaknesses, and our pasts.
The Relief Society lesson this last week was about judging, an especially appropriate topic for women. The majority of the lesson was based on us, as women, overcoming our insecurities to love one another, withholding judgement and being more accepting. While this lesson is very relevant, my thoughts were not on the women sitting in the room but instead next door - with all the men of the ward.
At this time in my life, I haven't found the man I am going to spend my forever with but I hope he is out there - maybe he is putting his luscious hair in a man bun right this moment, maybe he is doing push ups in boot camp, or maybe he is walking down wall street with a briefcase in hand - more than anything, I hope he is TRYING.
Back to the lesson. As I sat there and listened I was overwhelmed by the quality of men I know, Good men. Good men who have made mistakes, who are repenting and are TRYING to be better. There are sins of this generation that seem to affect men more than women (though this is becoming less so) and one of these is particularly degrading for the person viewing it, their relationships and their assumed self-worth. Guys. If you have been caught up in the lies of pornography, YOU ARE NOT WORTH LESS. If you have realized the destructive nature, are repenting and are TRYING to get clean, then YOU ARE MY HERO. Thank you for trying to be better for the woman you are going to marry. Thank you for taking the necessary and insanely difficult steps towards overcoming something THAT IS NOT YOU. You'll have bad days, maybe you'll make the same mistakes, and maybe you'll want to quit but please don't because there are girls - like me - that are banking on your determination to do and be better.
As I sat there in that lesson, thinking of all the great men that I know, I became emotional. Yes, I do believe that in dating and in marriage, honesty is an expectation. Yes, I may feel hurt or sadness that you may be a little lost but I recognize this is not you. Most importantly, I am so proud of you. There is nothing more beautiful than a person who has given their will to the Lord through repentance and is trying every day to be a little better. Your efforts are not unnoticed, your strength is obvious, and your future bright. And I am your #1 fan.
Now, I am about to ask something of you.
Please, please, please hold me to the same standard. Do not think "she deserves something better" because you could be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Don't rob me of my happy ever after. Just as you are trying to be better, know that I am doing the same. I am trying to be the person that you deserve and can build your life with. I am trying for YOU.
Fellas, in the words of Elder Holland, "You are doing better than you think you are."
Keep on, keepin' on.
-Christine Marie
